From chapter 5
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Sexual

Infatuation



Oh, it was just the beginning. You can only go so far and do so much in a car. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy manual transmissions over automatics. It just seems you have more control with a manual versus an automatic. Also, it's the fluid motion involved when in synchronization. First, then second with a swift shift to third. I took the long way home to enjoy the scenery, and it feels so good coasting in fourth gear. I wasn't ready to go home just yet. I had a couple of twist and curves before I took it to the spot where it’s hot. This is where you find out what your real skills are made of. You have to know when to down shift so you don’t lose it all and when to pour it on to increase the adrenalin and excitement keeping your cool. One false turn at one of those hairpin curves, and you could lose it all. I waited to hear my baby’s engine purring before I released into fifth gear and took her home. Come to think of it, it’s almost as good as having great sex. I’m always game for new scenes and different venues. Our relationship at this point progressed to the point that we were an item at work. Coworkers were aware that we were seeing each other. You could say we were stuck at the hip. The guys from the kitchen staff would ask me if Tonya and I were kicking it. I made no qualms about it and would announce, “yeah she’s my woman.” Then I would ask them what gave it away in a cynical manner. Tonya rolled with it as well because she continued to strut her stuff without skipping a beat. As I recall, we got a couple of head-turns but nothing that presented itself as an immediate threat. Furthermore, to be blunt, it just wasn’t an issue at all for us being a couple.
Our relationship progressed to the point where we began to hang out more at her place. That wouldn’t seem like a big deal except for the fact that she was not alone. Tonya neglected to tell me that she had a four year old son Todd. I am tempted to believe that she brought Todd up to her job at Stacks for shock effect to see how I would react early on in the game. Women are always testing you out. Go ahead do what you do was my attitude. Nevertheless, I passed with cool intact. At first, I was a little taken back, but I was really digging Tonya and made the necessary adjustments. Besides, Todd was a good kid, and we kicked it off pretty good. My first night at her house we had drinks and played cards or did we? I believe it went a little something like we met at a neutral location then proceeded to her house. I thought it would be gentlemanly of me to prepare her a meal so we proceeded to the kitchen. She had mentioned on the way over to her house that she was love starved and voraciously hungry. This was not a problem. I’m pretty handy in the kitchen so it would be no problem for me to prepare a fulfilling meal and boy do I mean filling. In no time ,and I mean in no time I was able to prepare a healthy Italian delicacy. I usually don’t give out my recipe, but I’ll make an exception.
First, you start with a pound and a half of sausage, and let it simmer in a large skillet for a few minutes so it reaches the right temperature for the next ingredient. Generally, you want to rub the sausage down just right until it begins to expand. At this point, marinade the sausage with about a cup of fruit of your choice. A fruit that produces an abundance of juice such as a mango, mandarin orange, plum, or peach are preferred. Some people don’t like to get their hands messy, but it will require that you rub the sausage ever so gently in the fruit juice so that the sausage is enveloped in the juice thoroughly. Let it simmer for a minimum of fifteen minutes. I would say the maximum time to simmer is between thirty and forty-five minutes depending on your endurance level and how hungry you are. It is crucial that you do this right because this is what produces the climatic dish that it is. If prepared correctly, the guest being served will ask for a second helping because it’s so good. I personally enjoy this dish so much that I usually lap the juices from the fruit. My experience has been, if you position the fruit just right and nibble ever so gently, the juices will begin flowing enough so that you can begin to marinade the sausage effortlessly. For now I’m going to keep the recipe a secret.
After dinner we enjoyed a glass of wine and a night vigil on the patio in each other’s arms. The relationship progressed to the point that we could not be apart from each other on a regular basis.
As time progressed, we began to get closer and our bond grew stronger. We would sit on the bed and stare into each other’s eyes to see who could out stare the other. I would like to add something that happened which was quite extraordinary. One night we decided to go to bed early so we laid down to sleep. We usually snuggle up together in each other’s arms and fall out. Well, that night we had the most sexual spiritual experience that you could imagine. From what I recall, Tonya and I were naked holding each other intimately making slow passionate love that feels so good that you fall in a trance. Immersed and lost in each other’s embrace our eyes convulsed in the back of our heads as we merged together with each slow silky stroke of passion. Each stroke intensified as we deeply .................

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Live to learn to love
Learn to love to live
Love to live to learn
so that you may live the life that you yearn.

Ran across this thought I would share with you!! uncommonly common knowledge!

8 Toxic personalities to avoid

by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance, on Wed May 13, 2009 8:01am PDT

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.
Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:
1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.
• Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."
• Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.
• Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.
• Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.
• Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.
• Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.
• Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.
• Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.
Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?





Live to learn to love
Learn to love to live
Love to live to learn
so that you may live the life that you yearn.

A little break from the book and a discussion on people and relations. You ever just think you know someone because you may have known them for awhile and tend to think that you know this person inside and out. You know they are close and supposedly transparent. Never make that mistake unless you know you know you know somebody like they have given you their kidney, or their left eyeball or better yet their right testicle.
Now let me preface this I am not saying that these drastic measures are necessary in order to know where you stand with a person. I am simply making a point at how fickle and trifling man has become over the years in regards to humanity. whatever happened to the respect for life and all things living ,whatever happened to blood pacts, and friendships that lasted any situation.

Now we all understand that these realtionships have to be cultivated, nurtured and take time to be tested tried and true.

With that being said try those that you have and cherish those that are true..








Live to learn to love
Learn to love to live
Love to live to learn
so that you may live the life that you yearn.

A Night on the Town

Chapter 5 Excerpt


A Night on the Town

Two years had gone by and I’m no longer working at Tortilla Stacks nor is Tonya. She was employed at Stacks as a part-time bartender to make extra money to make ends meet. I landed a job at Atlanta Journal Constitution as an independent contractor selling newspapers door to door. What a joy! Not really. I did not enjoy selling anything door to door but just trying it out at the time. It was at this job that I was able to make some decent money, meet some cool people, as well as make some real good friends.
In particular, was this cat named Domino. He was one of the supervisors for the sales team.
I actually met him through his brother who was a good friend of a friend. Anyway, he invited me to work on the sales team which was pretty convenient due to the fact that I was in between jobs. My day started out around 4 pm. with a meeting to establish our sales goals and then hit the streets. We had a tight crew of salesmen mostly young cats out to make a few bucks. Domino was a cool laid-back kind of guy who wasn’t too demanding but knew how to get the results he needed to make it worth his while.
While at my new job I saw a lot of guys come and go. In the sales game, you can either take rejection or not-plain and simple. It was common to see a high turnover rate because there were a lot of guys who did not last long. It is interesting what life can teach you. I must say that the job hardened me. Believe me, if you knock on many, many doors enough times while getting turned down and continue to press on, it will make you a solid salesman. My whole attitude was that the next door was the sale I needed to put me over the top. It took a lot of steadfastness and ambition to make money. Yes, you definitely could make some money selling the paper. There were some guys making decent paychecks, and I was holding my own. While selling the paper I had the pleasure of meeting Aaron who was also a sales rep for the Atlanta Journal. Aaron was a smooth talking Filipino kid and had a way with the women. There were a couple of times I walked with him on his route just to check out his spill. Sometimes, if your day just wasn’t up to par, we would pair off and try to get each other motivated to finish the day with some decent sales numbers.
It was common for the guys to get together and grab a bite to eat after work and hang out before calling it a night. Well, one night Aaron and I decided to go out on a double date. He would bring his girl and I would bring my girl Tonya. It sounded like a good idea. So, we made arrangements and met at a neutral location and began our night. We partied the night away. We hit a couple of clubs and danced the night away. Tonya is a real good dancer and liked to get her party on. We danced till about three or four in the morning. From the club, we made our way to R. J. Thomas for a late night snack, and everything was going splendid. The ladies were having a good time, we ordered our food, and recapped about the evening. I was drinking beer all night so by this time I had to piss like a race horse and excuse myself to use the restroom. At this particular restaurant, they had unisex restrooms. Of course I found this out after the fact. Anyway, I’m in the bathroom doing my thing when this young female walks in, looks me in the eye, and closes the door. I’m at a loss for words right about now and really ......


Live to learn to love
Learn to love to live
Love to live to learn
so that you may live the life that you yearn.

Memoirs of A Love Lost: PREFACE: Love 2 Live 2 Learn

–PREFACE˜

Love to Live to –Learn—

To love is divine, whom do you love, and what do you love? A common misused word, love. What does it mean? Lust is not love but simply a selfish gratification of one’s needs and desires.

Love the super-glue of the universe. It’s the unbridled raw energy that attracts and binds opposites in the dance of life. Atoms—the building blocks of life—are constantly making love, courting one another in such a frenzied state that they give birth to matter. The essence of our beings, the essence of our world, our foundation, is love.

It is simple to appreciate yet hard to grasp life and its meaning. Simple in the sense that when you look at Mother Nature, say a manifestation of a hundred-year-old oak tree, yes it’s a massive tree, a huge majestic wondrous beauty to behold. You don’t try to understand the tree, but simply appreciate it for what it represents another handiwork of the creator that co-exists here among us. So in that respect I have stopped asking the unattainable why’s of life; you know the why’s that you know you just have to accept—keep asking but don’t pull your hair out attempting to unlock their secrets. I adopted the attitude,”Learn through appreciation of your surroundings whatever they may be, for it is the miracle of life you were granted”. Have faith to live to love, and in return you will love to live.

To live—live is a verb, an action word. So living involves activity. There was no mention of being a spectator, watching others being active. You know how you sit passively; vegetating in front of a tube watching reality TV. It kills me to see life wasted; there is so much you have not yet tasted. Never take life for granted, here today gone tomorrow. Live each day as if it were your last. Live your life with passion and zest. What you put into it is surely what you will get out of it. I’m simply sharing what I learned while living to love this life I lead.

Everyday is a learning experience. Everyday is a new experience, to have lived, to have learned, to have mastered. The cycles of learning, of living life; involve repeating experiences over and over until they are implemented with some degree of satisfaction; to warrant further movement along the path. If at first you don’t succeed try; and try and try and try again. At some point if you find yourself in the same predicament repeatedly over and over, stop and take the time to learn from your actions. Learn to live; live to learn so that you may lead the life you yearn.

To love is divine; to live is an expression of love. My mother would always say if you are going to partake in any venture do it to the best of your ability. To live life comes naturally—anyone can do it. But to master your life requires that you become a student so that you are constantly learning. I profess to know nothing and am simply a student in the arts of life.

I live to love my life learning, the unknown while striving to maintain and master the known. I live to love to learn, so that I am in a constant state of growth; my cup is never full nor is it empty.

I learn to live to love, for it is the foundation of life, thus the elixir that keeps us young. This is the famed

fountain of youth, love. It binds, it heals, it creates, and it is the essence, the manifestation of life.

Live to learn to love

Learn to love to live

Love to live to learn

so that you may live the life that you yearn.